separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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