I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize