I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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