just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
