haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
