I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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