real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
