Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
