I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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