Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
