Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize