the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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