dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
