i need an iv and a liver transplant
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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