Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
