My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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