i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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