smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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