Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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