imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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