you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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