I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Welp...herpes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
