If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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