I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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