i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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