he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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