You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
