I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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