Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
