just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
