Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
