I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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