It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
