THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize