halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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