i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize