So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
