woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Barsexuality is the new black.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
