I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize