So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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