Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
