I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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