you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
