i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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