just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
