when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
