Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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