just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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