sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
