he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
only if we run a train.
done.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And then he peed in my hair
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