He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
