cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
