we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
