your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
