You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
