When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
