I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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