There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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