I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Damn victory sex feels great
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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