Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
