And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
