God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
