When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
