I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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