I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
